It's an old picture - but suspend your disbelief and pretend that my body still looks like that. I'm a horny little devil. In the picture.

Halloween, of course, brings images of candy, pumpkins, eggs, shaving cream, plastic costumes and candy. Did I say that already?

Who remembers the old SNL skit highlighting the crappy, unsafe children's costumes of yesteryear? I did a YouTube search, but no luck. Something about dousing yourself with lighter fluid and setting yourself on fire. Now THAT'S a costume.

Personally, I can't STAND pre-made costumes. Use your fucking imagination, people! As a child nothing was sadder than the kids who wore the plastic mask with the matching plastic smock. Are you kidding me? Do your parents have no time for you? Why did they have you if they weren't going to dress you up for Halloween?

But, then again, I remember Susan. He mother made her an awesome costume. She was a bag of jellybeans. Balloons for beans encased in plastic wrap - she won that year. I also know her mother would hit her. I saw it happen once and I'll never forget it. All the costumes in the world couldn't reverse that action.

Well, that's depressing.

It's the end of the season, the beginning of the darker half of the year. Take a moment to take stock. Cast off negativity and surround yourself with warm, positive thoughts. That'll get you through the winter. Along with soups and stews and hot apple cider.

Happy Halloween, my peeps!



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