Saturday, May 15, 2010 A Headbanging Hostess Tip

A Headbanging Hostess is always a hostess. Even when you are out and about in the world, one should be as welcoming as possible when people enter your space. This is assuming, of course, that they are equally welcoming. If they should happen to be rude then fuck'm. Unfortunately, that is overwhelmingly the case in this thing we call civilization out of tradition more than definition.

We've all been there. You know, that trip to the supermarket when apparently nobody got the memo. The memo that there are other people in the world. They block the aisle with their carts or their asses, barring access to the one thing you went to the store to get. Or they're just moving so fucking slow and completely centered in the middle of the aisle so you can't get past them at all and you know they can see you out of the corner of their eye but they don't care!

I hate people like that.

But I digress.

The Headbanging Hostess has spent what seems like a lifetime serving customers. Anyone who's done it knows that a single 8 hour shift can last a lifetime. So when The Headbanging Hostess finally reaches the check-out she not only has her own bag that she knit out of cotton and has been using for at least 3 years, she has her freakin' manners! They're free, people. "Hello!" "Please" "Thank You" - don't cost a cent. I actually stole that advice from a very young, hot, angry waiter.

I digress again.

A Headbanging Hostess always greets the cashier with a "Hello, how are you?" and a big smile. The poor fuck's been standing on their feet ringing up all the idiots you've been dodging in the aisles for who knows how long. For nothing. Minimum wage, minus taxes and probably union dues. And minus dignity, because people aren't nice to cashiers - at least round these here parts. If you live in Nicepeopleland let me know where it is.

If you are lucky enough to have a bagger give them a smile and a hello. If you are lucky enough that they recognise that big pile of cotton yarn at the end of the belt as your hand knit grocery bag give them a big "Thank You!" with an exaggerated lilt, as if you're speaking to a four-year old or a dog. They probably don't speak English, so you're communicating with your tone more than anything. Tone is universal. When you see porn in a foreign language you still know they're enjoying it, even though you don't know what the fuck they're saying.


Always end with a "Thank you! Have a good one!" I substitute "good one" for day/evening/holiday so I never really have to be sure what time of day it is. Or what day it is. Covers all my bases.

Does this make the world a better place? No. But it makes my world a better place for a few moments - exchanging pleasantries with another person as if we really were "civilized."

After that it's back to dodging idiots on my way out through the parking lot. Idiots driving cars are dangerous, very dangerous.

Now, back to my movie...

Bang on, my peeps! ;)



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