Saturday, September 11, 2010 The Norwalk Oyster Festival Was A Waste Of Time

I think I've established my love of food for you all. Here's a picture from The Norwalk Oyster Festival. Not food.

What a crappy, crappy event! No other way to put it.

A couple decades ago The Oyster Festival managed to infect a few hundred people with Salmonella. And, I suppose, it's been struggling to recover for a long time. But this year was such a major disappointment I just had to come out and issue my first (okay, maybe second) real negative review. TWO TITS DOWN!!!!

The website said it started at 5:00, but after we arrived and paid $10 to park and tried to cross the street WITHOUT the assistance of the officers sitting around we walked up to the gate to find it started at 6:00. Volunteers were sitting around talking and no one had a clue what was going on. Word spread among the frustrated fair goers and we all (since we'd paid 10 friggin' dollars to park) were forced to walk around beautiful South Norwalk while we waited for the Seaport Association to get it's act together.

After a walk around we went back to find lines forming. Lines filled with slightly annoying high school kids, screaming babies and more annoying mismatched couples who just happened to be in line right behind us.

It is times like this I wish I really was a superhero of manners.

The teenagers I can deal with - they make me laugh and remind me of a time when, I too, knew everything. The screaming baby had to go! Come on people. Half an hour I stood in that line listening to that screaming poop machine. You have got to be kidding me! That is why I don't have children. Make that scream your ringtone and you'll never fuck bareback again.

The couple behind me was atrocious. They clearly couldn't stand each other's company. The guy commented to her that he's "a size ten-and-a-half E. Always have been, always will be." Snide, smug, belittling, condescending - all the things you want in a man. NOT! I heard him accuse his server of giving him the wrong change (because you always go out to dinner before you go to a FOOD FEST) then he found the money (he'd forgotten where he'd put it) and then he gave her her 8 dollars back. Are you kidding me? If you're THAT annoyed by each other you must have been dating for a long time. You're telling me you keep a ledger for eight freaking dollars!

Sometimes, I really hate people.

Back to the festival.

They opened - LATE! After squeezing up the lines so we wouldn't get run over by the buses (that'll change your shoe size, asshole) we finally began the slow, torturous walk towards the gate. We watched as it took three people to ring up a credit card sale (another asshole. Dude! Who brings plastic to a fair? It's 5 bucks to get in, you don't have a fin?). Finally we paid our money, watched as two tickets were pulled (but never given to us) had our hands stamped (which we were rudely informed was invisible) and off we went to find the beer tent.

We found the ticket booth to buy tickets for the beer and THEY DIDN'T HAVE TICKETS!!! (Yes, I mean tickets exactly like the ones they tore and didn't give us at the door) Now, this is a good 15 minutes after they were opened. The volunteers seemed just as frustrated as we were. So we wandered off to get some food.


People, I can't make this shit up. We walked up to the BBQ tent and the guy was just starting to put ribs on the grill. Um, you didn't see the line of 300 people waiting to get in? You are here to serve food, right? You didn't think people would want ribs?


We had to settle for Pizza Fritta, which wasn't bad but it wasn't BBQ.

Wandering around it just got worse. The set up was different, we couldn't find anything. When we did find something the vendors couldn't be bothered to help you! I'm not kidding. We stood in front of a few places and walked away because they were "too busy" to acknowledge us. Stop putting labels on the candy, lady, I want to buy something! One after the other - it seemed like nobody gave a shit.

Oh yeah, I'm in Fairfield County.

I bought a caramel apple from the carnies, some maple kettle corn and some candy from someone who actually wanted to make a sale and we got the hell out of there.

What a disappointment.

Don't bother with this one, folks. The Big E starts next week - save your money for the pros.

Bang on, my peeps!



Marty Shadow said...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, maybe i'll stay in massachusetts. at least they know how to run an event/faire/festival up here.

Anonymous said...

Day 2 of the OF - Much more organized but -Okay - so the idea is to pay $12 to get in then pay $6 for a lemonade in an ugly coconut head, then spend spend spend even more. They didn't even have the big tent for crafts this year - which is the only thing I'm interested in - just a h...andful of booths. The "Pirate" encampment would have been more fun if you could get to it. You had to find a hole in a barracade of fencing BEHIND the food kiosks near the water. Nowhere to sit anywhere for the seniors or those of us with lower back pain. Then there was the obnoxious Tea Party Booth and the somewhat less so Linda McMahon booth with no Blumenthal booth in sight - that ruined my day! I circled away from the "Liberty" jerks so I wouldn't have to smack someone. No politicians should be allowed at these famliy events but the festival is a whore for booth sale money and face it, this is a redneck event. I wound up leaving and getting food at Donovan's to be able to sit, eat, and not be ripped off.

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