Today I found myself at the train station. On my way to New York to audition for a casting director. Why? I don't know.
A few years ago I would have been salivating over the opportunity. But, thankfully, I have outgrown my need for acting fame and fortune...or whatever I thought was going to happen every time I got up at a ghastly hour for an audition.
Today I got up when the need arose, about 9 AM thanks to a hand-me-down Tempurpedic pillow I got from my faboo neighbor, and slowly worked my way to ready. Hair, make-up, outfit - you know, all those things I don't really like to do. As The Headbanging Hostess I usually primp for my videos, but when it comes to dinner you get what you get. Sometimes I don't have the time to put on make-up or do my hair. And I'm not that kinda girl anyway! I love not wearing make-up. Because I hate to take it off. I've been known to take a shower because I'm too lazy to wash my face.
Anyway, back to my point, enough about my vanity habits, or lack thereof, I was in the train station for 2 minutes before someone annoyed me in line at Dunkin' Donuts.
"What's a number three?" she asks her friend in line behind me.
Are you serious?
It's a picture menu! There's a picture of a bagel with cream cheese and there's a number 3 in the corner.
"What's a Dunkachino?"
Apparently she's been in a coma for seven years.
Then I get my tea, turn around to go and I trip on the bags of the lazy bitch behind me! Are you fucking kidding me? You didn't think I'd be moving? That I'd need to remove myself from the immediate area of the counter so that you would be able to place your own beverage order? What are you, fucking stupid?
Why? Why do I leave the house?
Even though I don't really care, the audition went well. He gave me some very good notes on my monologue, mostly on my voice, and I got to do it again. But I have no dreams of Broadway. And even if I did "get the call" would I want to give up my Headbanging Hostessness? Not at the moment, no.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to take a shower and get this make-up off my face.
Bang on, my peeps!